Why I Really Hate Fruitcake!

by Sam

First of all, I hate fruitcake. It's not because calling some a fruitcake is derogatory, or anything like that. It just tastes bad, and it doesn't look too hot either. Why, oh WHY, is it such a popular gift? The texture is disgusting, the taste isn't all that good, and it's really just an all-around stinker of a food.

My first experience with fruitcake was when I was at my friend's house. I'm Asian, and he was Jewish, and if there's one thing that parents in both of our cultures have in common, it's their ability to force food down your throat.

So I ended up having some of it. I'm told it was very good, for a fruitcake, but to me, it was utterly disgusting. Out of politeness, I excused myself and went to the bathroom and threw it back out. And no, I'm not a bulimic.

Fruitcake is bad. If you want to give food as a gift, make a real cake.

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