Fruitcakes Do Exist
As a child, the story of the mythical fruitcake was seen in movies, threatned by relatives like coal in a stocking, and usually referred to as a relative (or two). As part of our holiday baking, fruitcakes (real ones) never were seen.
Fast forward a few years and I get a job working at a bakery. My first holiday season working, I came in one morning before the sun came up, to find bread tins filled with gooey bread with nuts and red and green things in it. I asked the bakers (on their way out of their all night shift if these were really what I thought they were, and they confirmed what I had suspected).
I was witnessing my first batch of fruitcakes. My boss came in, and I asked him, "Who is going to buy these? Or do they just get stale and sold on the half-price rack for a Yankee Swap?" He bet me that they would sell. Well he was right, I think every silver haired lady in my town gravitated to the bakery for the next 5 weeks for their fruitcakes--which concerned me. I called my grandmother to see if she liked them and she even said she did.
At least the fruitcakes were going away at work. After Christmas mas and New Year's, my co-workers and I did have some fun with the left-over fruitcakes (the ones that didn't sell off of the half price rack). It is quite amazing the thigs you can do with a brick hard fruitcake in a bakery when you are a bored high-school student who flunked chemistry.